the stars shine on

exams are over and i've finished my first yr in business school. but yet, its bittersweet. i hardly feel a major relief from the end of exams. in fact, it feels to me lyk its just another day, except just without work and dun need to go to school.

good times never last.
and when its over, all that remains are the tears.

i was reading this book that i took from the temple during cny on the train ytd. and while reading the book, there was this flurry of thoughts and emotions that run through my head, including the desire to blog and reflect about it. but yet, as i sit in front of my laptop and logged into here, the only description of my state of mind now is "BLANK". perhaps not exactly blank, but only one thing that runs through my mind. which has been going through my mind since my papers ended. playing continuously and non-stop through my mind.

can't think of anything else. and can't find any mood for anything.
just feel lyk nua-ing at home and curl up on my bed.

Believe, when you are most unhappy,
that there is something for you to do in the world.
So long as you can sweeten another's pain,
life is not in vain.

i feel lyk moving my blog again. but still hasn't decided.
feels lyk theres many things swirling in my head, but i just can't get it out.
and this entire week got no mood to do work.
i just feel lyk nua-ing at home and just lazing in bed.

i just realised that erms, my last post was lyk dec. HAHA. and its lyk MARCH alr.
and so many things going on at the same time. omg.
im lyk in a constant whirl.

super short update:
- watched fireworks on newyear's eve! pretttayyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

JANUARY:
- horrible school started. (FM IS LIKE KILLING ME while IT is boring me to death)
- celebrated gloria's bday and she blindly didn't realise i was carrying a cake though i was sitting beside her..
- CNY!!!! ANGBAOOOOOS!
- kefeng's bday was tgt with our tut grp reunion dinner at the playground beside the lib (:
- mahjong session at my hse + tiramisu making ((: ((:
- y steamboat ((:

FEBRUARY:
- valentines ((: ((:
- midterms equivalent
- projects and essays and presentations

and now march, its after recess wk. and finally done with that 20% written assg for biz law. and accting quiz, which erm i was damn careless(wads new), which cost me alot. fm quiz, erms probably flunked it and that would be super bad cos 25/39 people got 10/15 and above. and then there was HR 20% CA, which i totally can't rmb anything i read in those 4 chapters from the textbook. and sh made me feel very bad, cos he said "i thot you read thru then shld noe wad." lyk okayssss, i dun haf a super memory u noe and i didn't pay attn lyk i did to ob last sem. and there's IT quiz, which i duno how i passed cos i only read thru my lecture slides the night before.. and spent a grand total of 2hrs plus flipping thru that 6 seminars. sighhh. at this rate, how am i gonna pass my exams and pull up my gpa sia????

sometimes i feel very shi bai, and very stupid. lyk how come pple can dun study and still do well, but i study yet still lyk dat? and the feeling is lyk damn discouraging. and then i also dun understand why pple lyk to compare answers right after the tests, lyk HELLO, its over. whether its correct or not, its OVER. if its wrong you can't change it either. and why shld i lyk risk going into a damn immediate deep depression cos i found out my answers are all different from this top student in my cls? omg. spare me. i'd rather live in ignorance for a while more. and i dun lyk comparing scores. if you wanna noe, fine ask. but i dun think u shld just flip over my test paper without my permission. the last time my fren did that, i got 3/10 for my stupid stats quiz. HAHA. but that time i wasn't pissed, i was just paiseh. haha!!

and then fm essays are lyk killing me. i dun feel lyk i've learnt anything and somehow the essays are lyk never-ending. its lyk once every 3 wks or sth. lyk given 2 wks to complete, then 1 wk later the nx essay qns is out. lyk OMG. stop killing my brain cells. and while my fm tutor seems lyk a nice guy, patient and all, he's kinda boring. yes he brings in real-life examples from his experience, but its just boring. or maybe its just FM. i fell aslp doing dat online lecture too. omg. but i still think the online lecture was better. and anw, all i do in fm seminar is to stone and try not to fall aslp.

accting report. pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft. this member in my group is lyk increasingly getting on my nerves. and the things she says are lyk damn pissing off, to me and gossip king. HAHA. had a damn good gossip session last nite. besides sh feeling lyk he was being sent to walk the plank, i was pissed off with the way she expects everyone to accede to her requests. lyk wth, we can't meet on fri cos she got driving and she doesn't want to stay over in hall on thurs night. and we can't meet on monday cos she got driving and tuition and most importantly cos she doesn't want to stay over in hall on monday night. lyk wad the hell. if we can't complete the report, then freaking hell we gotta meet up. and i dun freaking care if u wanna stay over in hall or not. i dun see why we hafta meet at your disposal and at a venue that u deem convenient but is in actual, damn freaking far and inconvenient for everyone else. blardhy hell. you're not the queen lorzx. lyk wdv. and we can't meet at hall 15 cos it takes u lyk 30mins to get there (which is rubbish) but we can wait 1hr plus for your grp to finish meeting?! ARGH. im BREATHING.

AND ACCTING REPORT IS LYK ONLY HALFWAY DONE.
AND THERES STILL IT PROJECT UNDONE. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.
- will some ACCESS genius pls come and save MEEEEE-

and so i shall be strong. study harder! and dun care abt rubbish things pple say. and will not be affected by sucky attitudes from people. but jing has this weird mission now, to shoot back when the attitude surfaces. MUAHAHA. but ofcos must do in a skillful manner such that its not SOOOOOO obvious siaaaa. muahahhahaha.

feels better now.
HAHA.

i feel whitewashed. or rather i have been whitewashed. with calamine lotion. and now im feeling cold and smelling minty. from all that calamine. ARGHHHH. ycamp was shortened by 1 day thanks to stupid camelot. camelot suckssssssssss! claim they fumigate the place every 2 wks blarblarblar. and then there's still so many crazily many bedbugs. and its damn grossssssssssss! bleagh. and caused us to have emergency evacuation in the middle of the night. and only settled at lyk 3am. and it was freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezing cold that this bene woke up hyperventilating cos it was so super cold. even in the stairway it was cold. the wind just kept blowing and blowing. but in the end at 5plus am, shaun yiliang yiwei and me went upstairs sofa to slp. ko manz. then 1hr plus later woken up by gs cos bene starting to wake up alr. ohmanz! slpy sia. then ben emo, sit one corner etc etc. and close to dinner time i discovered my first 3 spots. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. and the rest is history. itchy itchy scratchy scratchy...

MEEPOK TEO WHERE ARE YOU!

EXAMS ARE OVER EXAMS ARE OVER EXAMS ARE OVERRRRRRR!!
and its time to partayyyeee!!
on budget ofcos.

guess the past 3 weeks since i updated have been erm both gruelling and boring simultaneously. yeaaa having 1 wk to lyk prepare for one paper is cool but at the same time, it means reading the same content for one wk's worth of time and that makes you kinda sick of it, despite the fact that it doesn't really sink into and stay in your brain for long after the exams end. yeps, im sure we all do our own personal spring cleaning in our brains right after exams to clear out brain space for the nx sem. i guess all 3 papers were okay and doable for me, but then thinking of it now, i haf no idea how i'll fare. but then again. its OVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

yea now its time to headache abt many other things:

[nx sem timetable!!!!!]
urgh gotta think of whether to overload nx sem. and i think i shld, if i can get those easy easy electives. and i wanna clear my hss ones first. rarr, shall bank on my 2nd yr priority to chiong for my bio electives to clear sci ones. and yeps i found a kaki for one of the electives already. nx sem content heavy so i shall erm become mugger, learn from SHIQI. everyday go lib and mug. HAHAHA. then again i look at my timetable now, the free slots are lyk 2hrs to makan lunch kind. find electives kaki!!!!

and my nx sem exams are in APRIL.
which means i'll be spending my bday studyinnnnnnggggggg!!

[ycamp]
mass dance
momento
calling the volunteers

[ydance]
choreography
xmas songs
presents!

[xmas presents]
not gonna get many this yr. lala!


hahah i need to get/become smarter! hoho, need lyk some smartening lotion and slimming lotions. wheee!

went for MFM with MANLY toh shiqi at ps ytd and then walked ALL the way to cine. and watched a i-think-its-stupid-but-shiqi-totally-loves-it show. we went into the theatre and after 5mins, i turned around and asked her, whats this show about. and she tells me, i duno eh only see the trailer nice only. SO CHEATED la. doinks. bleagh. and then we met jeff on the escalator down. and then we shopped the WHOLE of orchard minus paragon. and erms. sadly nv buy anything except food )):

bahhhhhh. im getting worse headaches by the day. couldn't sleep last night though i went to bed qte early because my head was hurting. so ironic. when people get headaches, they go slp so it wouldn't hurt so much. and i get headache, went to bed but couldn't sleep. bahhhhhhh. and now its hurting again. bleagh! and my kneeS aren't helping either. LALA.

RARRRR.

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away

totally. and now back to comm fund.

i am soooooo tired! feel so tired out so easily these days, yet i dun feel lyk i got much done. first paper is nx wednesday and i dun even feel in the least prepared for it. i think i ought to be slapped.

besides slacking more than i study, haven't been doing anything much. ydance on 1nov went well thanks to the dear volunteers who turned up (:

sometimes i feel so knotted up inside. that i wanna say and whine and pour out my frustrations, but i just can't. whether its cos i just can't say it, or whether its the expected response that i will get. if you'll just stop telling me i've done alot more, i might just confide in you more stuff. and perhaps i won't like, as you say, keep so many things and thoughts to myself. but my belief is, what's the point of me saying anything if what i get in return is just "but u're already so far ahead!" when all i wanted from you is comfort and motivation?

been talking to the bblc kids ((: love! darling boro poke poke been emailing me. dear zitta fb-ing and fs-ing me and talking to me on msn. and i just chatted with jing boy and boro over msn today. why can't we turn back time to those days? each time i come into contact with them, my heart aches. they are such sweeties. and somehow they are the ones who continually encourage me despite the fact that they duno the stuff that goes on here in my life. the way they express their care & concern, their love for and how much they miss me never fails to touch me regardless of the countless times they said it. and it never fails to make my stomach twist and my heart ache. if u get what im trying to say.








I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid


so put a smile to my face.

supposed to be doin my stats tutorial right now, but decided to take a short break. stupid regression, which used to be easy, is now i-duno-wad. well not that im expecting it to be easy, just that im blaming myself for not bringing my notes back with me ytd. guess i really shouldn't have gone for dinner with the cls after OB ytd. BAHH. sigh, ob report. depressing.

Take me away: A secret place.
A sweet escape: Take me away.
Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.

ARGHHHHHH. exams are in lyk 3 weeks. and i seriously have no idea how i'm gonna handle them. say for ob, pressed for time yes. and i have no idea how to survive writing so much under time. or rather i noe i no longer have the practice or the stamina to think faster than i write and to write continuously for 2 and a half hours. gone are the days of econs 3 essays. ARHHHH somebody save me!

sometimes you gotta go through the pain
to experience the joy
this too shall pass

ohwells. for now, concentrate on ob, stats and marketing. comm fund can be done on tues. lala. and then there's ycamp trial, ydance and yproms in that order. so i guess i haf no choice but to be very very very disciplined. ARHHHHHHHH. and as much as i can, to not let anything else affect me. RARRR.

Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
i don't know where you're going
and i don't know why.


can't wait for the end of exams.

arhhh. how much more to the end point?
im running out of steam
out of stamina.
i am soooo tired.
argh!

so tired so tired!
i need a break from school!

stupid flash movie is killing me.
KILLING me. urgh.

 

my neck is aching from all that crazy crunches ytd. went for a lyrical jazz cls ytd with qiqi, liz and charmaine. love!!! ((: i miss that feeling of dancing. no stress, just dance. to turn, to turn till we come round right ((: and not to forget that cutesy litter of kittens we saw walking up to the place <3 lyrical!!!

 

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?

If I should die before I wake
Because you took my breath away
Losing you is like living in a world without no air, oh
I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move, it's incomplete
Is there an other way I can make you understand?

(Hook)
But oh
Do you expect me, to live alone with just me?
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

(Chorus)
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?
Can't live, can't breath with no air
That's how I feel whenever ain't there
There's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon' be here without me?
If you ain't here I just can't breathe
There's no air, no air
No air, No air, No air, No air

I walked, I ran, I jumped,
I took right off the ground to float to you
There's no gravity to hold me down, for real
But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath but I survived
I don't know how but I don't even care
(Hook)
So how do you expect me to live alone with just me?
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

(Chorus)
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?
Can't live, can't breath with no air
That's how I feel whenever ain't there
There's no air, no air
Got me here out in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon' be here without me?
If you ain't here I just can't breathe
There's no air, no air
No air, No air, No air, No air

(Chorus)
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?
Can't live, can't breath with no air
That's how I feel whenever ain't there
There's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon' be here without me?
If you ain't here I just can't breathe
There's no air, no air
No air, No air, No air, No air

(Outro)
Got me here out in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon' be here without me?
If you ain't here I just can't breathe
There's no air, no air
No, air, No air, No air, No air
 

and now im back to doing work.